It has been a really long time since I have posted, and in truth I don't know if anyone is even reading this but here I am anyway. 2011 has been very trying, but eye opening.
Jason and I have been married almost 7 years and still we have no children. I am not sure how many of you know this but we have been doing fertility medicine this year. As we prepared to do this we knew it would be difficult. We knew the mental and emotional toll would be enormous, but boy did we underestimate it. I have been a hormonal, emotional wreck for well over six months. But the most difficult part has been getting the negative test results. Nothing can prepare you for the build up of hope, the hearing the word, "negative", suck the wind out of your sails. I have struggled to understand why. We want children, we want a family and yet it is so difficult. And worse still there are so many who don't want, or love their children out there who have no trouble just popping them out. I have struggled to find enough faith to stay strong, and push through the trials.
We have been truly blessed by the friends and family who have stuck by our side. You all have listened to countless hours of crying and sorrow. We cannot put into words what that has meant to us. We have seen who is truly there for us and we are very blessed by how many friends and family that has turned out to be. We love you all and thank you deeply for your support.
I hope everyone understands my need to open up about how our year has been. We have been through quite a lot, but have also learned a lot. Through the hardest trials of our lives, we have had our eyes opened to our greatest blessings. We have seen the Lord's hands in our lives and are so grateful to have the gospel to help guide us through. We are prayerfully weighing out our options of what to do next. But we know we have the Lord on our side, and we know we have wonderful love and support from our family and friends.
